Parenting Lessons #563, #564, #565, #566, & #567

DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS!
DON'T THREATEN!
DON'T TEAR UP YOUR CHILD'S ARTWORK!
RESOLVE ISSUES IMMEDIATELY!
ALLOW YOUR CHILD SUFFICIENT TIME TO EXPLAIN THEMSELVES!

Wednesday Mac came home from school and as always, I sat down to go through his backpack. There were the usuals, homework, books, and his daily work, as well as a groundhog puppet since it was Groundhog's Day. Mac was busy eating his snack and working on his Math homework, so I continued sorting. As I picked up his groundhog puppet to move it aside I noticed something that Mac had drawn on his puppet. I didn't believe my eyes, so I looked again and again. What the?!? Is that a cigarette coming out of MY child's groundhog's mouth?

I immediately panicked and thought very quickly about the best way to handle this. Threaten! That always seems to work. (I know, I know I've got a lot to learn.) "Mac, come here, please. What is this?" I asked holding the puppet up and pointing to the cigarette, all the while using my best stern voice. Mac hesitates and I immediately take that as his guilt, so I continue, "Son, I send you to school trusting that you are going to make good choices and when you pull something like this, it makes me think you don't deserve my trust." (I'm on a roll, so I keep going.) "If you don't know how to make good choices, then I'll keep you home ALL day EVERY day and you'll do school here at the house with JUST me. How does that sound?" And then came my grand finale, "This is garbage McCade and garbage does not belong in our house!" I said as I ripped the puppet into two. Mac's shocked look let me know that he knew I was serious and I was pretty sure I had gotten through to him, but just to be positive I added, "Do you understand?" Mac's head bobbed up and down and I felt pretty successful. Way to go, Mom, high five!

Even though I felt like I had "handled" the situation, I was still in shock that MY child would do such a thing. I needed to tell someone fast, so I dialed my sister and she was as surprised as I had been. "Where did he learn about cigarettes from?" Michelle asked me. "I have no idea," I told her. She suggested that I talk to him more and find out WHO he's learning such things from. I agreed and told her that I would get to the bottom of it. Later, much later, like the next afternoon (nothing like resolving the issue immediately :), Mac and I were walking in from outside when I remembered to ask him, "Hey Mac, where did you learn about cigarettes from?" "What's a cigarette?" he asked, completely innocent. "You know, one of those smoking things . . . you drew one out of your groundhog puppet's mouth yesterday." "Mom, that wasn't a smoking thing, that was a SWORD behind the groundhog's back. I made my groundhog into a warrior!"

Imagine my horror, not to mention embarrassment! I dug through the garbage, pulled out the two puppet halves and sure enough, there was the handle of the sword at the top, and the point of the sword at the bottom. I apologized again and again and again and then asked Mac why he didn't explain that to me yesterday. His reply was, "Well, I didn't really know what you were talking about and then you just ripped my puppet up."

Today (another day later), as Mac was gluing and stapling his puppet back together I suggested he use tape since it would be easier. He quickly replied with, "You know what would be easiest, is if you wouldn't have ripped it in the first place," and when I looked at him with the look of "really, do we have to go there?" he added, "I'm just sayin' Mom."

I don't see any Mother of the Year nominations coming my way anytime soon . . .

Take it from me, allow your children the opportunity to explain their actions and DON'T jump to conclusions. I find that my immediate reaction is to assume the worst, but if given the benefit of the doubt, my children usually pleasantly surprise me.

And just for the record, for about the 10th time, I am so sorry Mac! Mom was wrong and I'll try to do a better job of understanding from now on. Thanks for loving me no matter what!